E non partirò anche se il tuo sorriso è certamente meraviglioso

da | Ago 27, 2020 | Riflessioni non richieste | 87 commenti

Resiste il bar “Centrale” in piazza, nonostante la sfrontatezza dell’umidità ed i giovani che quotidianamente dicono addio agli ingenui e crudeli luoghi della propria infanzia. Resisto anche io: il futuro, per me, arriverà sempre più in là. E a volte, quando accarezzo il cuore della città, ti vedo ancora passeggiare accanto a me.

Ad esempio stasera. Seduto sulla nostra panchina, dove ci siamo avvelenati con le prime sigarette ed i primi baci, mi è quasi sembrato di ascoltare ancora le tue imprecazioni contro questa stramaledetta provincia.

«Ma non hai l’ansia di vivere e morire tra queste strade? Ma non hai paura di fare anche tu quella fine? Di gettarti da un palazzo e farla finita?» mi gridavi nelle orecchie mentre io pensavo soltanto al tuo sorriso ed ero convinto che per vederlo sempre brillare sarebbe stato sufficiente trovare un lavoro dignitoso (magari chiedendo un favore a mio zio ben agganciato con la politica. In Italia funziona così, non giudicatemi). Ed invece non era affatto così.

Tu avevi già deciso di andare via, lontano da qui. Magari in una metropoli oppure in qualche Paese dove i raccomandati rappresentano soltanto una minoranza, magari anche considerata sfigata. Io, al contrario, appartengo a questa terra. Ed il motivo mi è ancora sconosciuto. Forse qualche mio antenato vendette la sua anima a questa provincia in cambio di un voto elettorale. 

«Ti prego, parti con me. Potresti trovare un lavoretto in attesa dell’occasione giusta. Ed intanto conosceresti tante persone, vedresti tutte quelle mostre che qui non vedrai mai. Insomma, correresti incontro alla vita che hai sempre sognato» mi pregavi con gli occhi bellissimi che io, poi, non ho più visto su nessuna faccia.

Sono trascorsi tre anni. Come ti dicevo io resisto qui: il paese non è cambiato. Qualche anziano ovviamente è morto. Le strade sono piene di buche, la gente sputa sui social ed io saltuariamente lavoro. Non ho realizzato neanche un sogno. In cambio, però, ci credo ancora. Se me ne sono pentito di non essere partito con te? Certo, tutti i giorni, dopo i pasti. Però, ribadisco, ci credo ancora: scrivo, a più non posso, racconto, a più non posso, e spero, a più non posso, che le cose cambieranno. Che pezzo di stronzo che sono.

«Sono tornata per qualche giorno. Ti va un giro sull’altalena?»

«Io ci sono. Non posso dire la stessa cosa per l’altalena».

Quanto cazzo mi mancherà la tua risata. Però, nonostante tu abbia un gran seno e qualche cosa altro, io devo tentare di invertire, almeno parzialmente, i meccanismi malati che regolano ogni santo movimento di questa provincia. E non ci riuscirò, lo so bene, però tu sorridimi sempre.


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