Ci sei sempre stato, ed in fondo ti voglio bene

da | Set 4, 2020 | Riflessioni non richieste | 94 commenti

Sempre con te col fiato sul collo. Quando pensavo di viverti bene scrivendo poesie. Oppure baciando una donna che aveva tanti anelli sulle dita che poi sulla pelle te ne accorgi quando è quella giusta. Quando a scuola giravo la testa dall’altra parte convinto che di te ne avrei avuto abbastanza. Ed invece poi fuori da quell’istituto i minuti corrono all’impazzata e tutto diventa più complicato. Stavi, e stai, sempre accanto a me. Quando la sera la birra scorre veloce dentro al mio corpo e sento quella specie di euforia che mi convince che tutto sia possibile, anche Donald Trump benefattore. Quando i coglioni mi girano e vorrei soltanto che la giornata finisse al più presto. Quando i medici mi dissero che non c’era più nulla da fare, e si trattava semplicemente di te. Ci sei sempre. Eppure ogni santissimo giorno ti dichiaro guerra. Eppure ogni cristo di giorno provo a fregarti con la mossa giusta. Il mio obiettivo è conquistare anche un solo secondo in più. Che poi, e so che adesso ti strappo una risata, neanche saprei cosa farci. In fondo non so se sia più giusto sprecarti oppure accettarti per quello che sei.

E lo so, lo so, che tu vai avanti sfondando muri, certezze, idee, progetti, vita. A volte rallenti, soprattutto in certi momenti in cui la felicità è lì, ad uno schiocco di dita; altre volte, invece, acceleri perché forse quello che vediamo non piace neanche a te. In altre circostanze ti comporti al contrario di quanto appena stupidamente abbia scritto e noi lo accettiamo, anche perché se non lo accettassimo non è che cambierebbe molto. Però è piacevole trascorrere un po’ di te quando si fanno le cose che ci accarezzano l’anima. Tipo ascoltare della buona musica- compresa quella neomelodica per gli appassionati- e leggere un romanzo che ci chiude gli occhi e per un attimo voliamo su una compagnia low cost (in questi tempi costa anche la fantasia) dall’altra parte del mondo. Io penso, e ne sono quasi certo, che senza di te non vivrei.

Però ti odio perché fai sfiorire ogni sentimento, ogni cosa a noi cara (non ti perdonerò mai per aver ingiallito i miei Topolino). Però ti amo perché ci permetti di rimediare ai nostri guai, di guarire delle ferite a cui inevitabilmente andiamo incontro. È sempre una questione di te, mio caro tempo. E ti sento vicino anche stasera, che il cielo mi sorprende ancora una volta ed io dentro di me avverto la consapevolezza che al di là delle leggi che regolano l’universo non ti capiremo mai. Nonostante tu sia l’unica certezza (si, vabbè, oltre alla morte che però viene sempre menzionata ed è diventata ormai mainstream). Ti voglio bene, non dimenticarlo mai.

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